can't sleep

I started my first semester at Ursuline, I was excited about the higher education that I was about to receive. I had my first real english class, this was the first one I had taken in a long time. I stepped into class needing a refresher on many things that I had learned along time ago in school, but over the years had forgotten. My instructor was very enthusiastic and quite helpful. I thought this was wonderful, l I was finally going to learn to write, now I can write my children's books. If anyone could assist me in achieving my life goal, I knew that This professors would.

For a young man I found him very knowledgeable about many things, he knew his subject well. As an older woman, I was even proud of him for all of his accomplishments that I perceived that he had achieved, I said to myself "this young man is phenomenal."

The reading was a bit much but I kept up. The last book that we were instructed to read changed my view about some things. I was shocked,hurt,and even angered, about the choice of reading that was considered academic. I thought "how has education fallen so low, is this what I was in a hurry to get back to?" A christain school with loose or no morals, surley we have thrown the baby out with the bath water.

I tried to look over the pornography and cursing, as a few conformers had suggested. but I found myself constantly thinking and being convicted about It, I felt like a compromiser. MY 76 year old God fearing mother asked me about my class, and what I was learning from the material, my sister motioned for me not to tell her, I had to change the subject. I dared not tell the girls that I mentor from Central State about what their dear sis Brown was reading. Some of the ladies stopped reading the "Zane" books because of our discussion of the negative affects these books had on them. These girls expressed a desire to change, not only were they sexually promiscuous but, many said they started at an early age and didn't know how to stop. Although these are college students they are working on trying to change their "ghetto" lifestyles.

I know that this may not seem normal to some people because often times people accept many things without question, but I assure you that it is very sane. When you have been taught to reject the bad and accept the good, and stand for something or fall for anything, it is difficult to switch the roles, even when your grade depends on it. What people read in their leisure is none of my business, but no one else should be subjected to others preferences without permission. One of the men at the church who is a recovering drug addict use to always tell me, you don't make monkeys sell peanuts. I now understand what he meant. You shouldn't force an alcoholic to work in a liquor store, and you cannot fix the societal problems by adding to them.

In my own personal life I found myself headed down the wrong path. I purposely chose to remove certain things from my sight/life in order to change the direction of my downward spiral. I am now on my way up and I will not be stifled stopped or weighed down.